The Guilt That Comes With Saying “No”.

About a week and half ago, I got an email from the foster care coordinator asking us if we’d be interested in having a 2 yr old girl placed with us. She turned 2 in April which pretty much means she’s smack dab in-between F and G.

My heart fell because I knew we would almost for sure need to say no, but I asked her if we could have the weekend to think and pray about it. I knew we’d need a very obvious sign from God that we should take this little one in for us to say yes, but I also knew the guilt that I was going to feel if we said no.

Some of you might think, why would you ever say no? Isn’t this what you’re supposed to do as a foster parent? Hell, I think that to myself pretty much anytime it doesn’t work out. Here’s why we had to say no this time.

1.) Can we just say 3 toddlers? 3 toddlers! And not triplets that are all kind of at the same stage but 3 toddlers within a year of each other, all with some kind of trauma in their lives, even if 2 of them have been with us since birth. I get completely exhausted just thinking about it. It’s not a baby that I can set down or wear while I chase the other two. It’s another one that most likely will quickly get caught up in the whirlwind of my 2 little monkeys and become a 3rd little monkey.

2.) It’s going to be a very busy Fall daycare wise so adding another toddler just doesn’t seem smart to me. On top of that, DH will be back to work and coaching so I’m pretty much a single Mom Sept-February.

3.) DH’s Dad was just diagnosed with cancer. I feel like he has enough on his plate right now without adding a 3rd toddler to run after.

4.) We had a 3 yr old boy for about a week and a half this past February and the girls had an extremely hard time with it. I just feel like until they’re a little older and can understand why we do what we do, we need to try our best to keep it in birth order for now which basically means, sticking with babies.

5.) We don’t have a vehicle that will fit 3 toddler carseats right now.

I’m not going to lie though, I do feel incredible guilt with saying no. I want to scoop up every child and keep them safe and give them love and if we could afford for me to be a SAHM vs. a WAHM, we could’ve and probably would’ve said yes.

Fostering is hard whether you say yes or not this time. I pray they find someone amazing to love on that little one while her Mama is getting help.

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